Double Trouble

We are 3 siblings in the family and I am the eldest. We're not that close. We fight more than we care for each other. We're different because we quarrel a lot, as in a lot. We grew up like that and now that we're adolescents and mature enough to handle things on our own, we just remain distant together and our relationship just gets worse.

Though annoying as it may seem, I'll still face the same people everyday.

Kahit gaano man kasi kami kalayo sa isa't isa, I know that there's sisterly and brotherly love deep within us, hindi lang talaga kami lumaki na expressive. And I know we will still need each other in times of trouble maybe hindi ngayon pero I know we'll help each other someday.

I lack the guts to make a move to get closer to them because I fear that it'll just be useless. We have different personalities. We clash like titans. We hit each other emotionally and physically. And none of us accepts being deprived by our own little power authority at home.

I can enumerate the moments that we had bondings and laughed together but the rest of my memories with them are such a disaster.

It hurts me to realize that we're hurting each other. Masakit. Ayoko naman na when we grew old, wala kaming pakealamanan. It will give my mother a heart attack. Because I know, It is more painful for a mother to see her children fighting. I know because I can see it right through my mother's eyes.

I don't drag myself to look clean of sins since I admit I make things difficult to them. OK. Blame me. It's just that, we're different. I may not the best sister for them but I love them unconditionally kahit hindi nila ramdam yun. Each of them will always be a special part of me. :)