Nostalgia 1725

What kind of sorcery is this?! I didn't know this blog still exists. :D I believed it already vanished. It's been 7 loooong years since my very first blog, basically when i was 17 years old! 

Haha! I was literally smiling wistfully while reading all my old posts, and laughed at some. I honestly couldn't recall most of the memories mentioned and that made them more joyful to read. :D I felt a dopamine rush into my brain as i tried to look back on them. What a pleasant remembrance after all. I sounded a typical 17 year old who's unsure of herself and on others, trying to reach out courage from someone else's validation and figuring out how this thing called life works on her own clumsy and sensitive hands. I am not even sure to which of my age i said it for since i guess i am much more in crisis now as a 25 year old anyway. :D

Actually, to make the idea of this a bit mature, naks! :D I like how my subtle thoughts and shallow whines as a teenager have become deeper as i reached 20s. I have gone through enough challenges over time from inter and intra personal relationships to conclude that i am now a better version of myself. I know i am still in crossroads in life, you know, i have made bunch of wrong decisions and struggled with regrets before, that i almost thought i was done with life anymore, but here i am, typing about it thus far made sense that whatever bullshit happens now won't matter in the next 5 years. Life is not always easy, as cliche as it sounds but indeed true. In fact, I may surely regret some of the decisions i made recently, :D but, im not bothered yet, im enjoying the ride anyway. We're just humans, we're not always at our best all the time. We may get caught by too much problems often times but it's how we perceive the situation right? It will still depends on how we look at it. You can choose either to get upset about it or just look at the more positive side. You know, it's us who have to maneuver where it goes anyway 'cause life is what we make it right? :) 

That brings me to the idea when i thought life was already too damn difficult when i was 17 years old, when i was too stupid throwing tantrums to my parents because of extremely petty issues. I confess, i was an unreasonable selfish bitch to my parents. I was not a rebel, never, but i know i tortured them emotionally somehow. I answered them back and said words that deeply hurt them.  Spent more time with friends than with them and abused their trust. Yes. Awfully. You know why? Cause i thought life had been unfair to me, believing that it all started at home that's why i chose to bring despair to them from being inexpressive and distant. But, bitch, now it's haunting me because every time i look back on that, i know there is no way i could ever make those words forgotten. 

However, there's a light to that, cause i know i can make them feel loved and appreciated now. I know i am making them feel it though i am obviously miles away from them and the only way i can ever possibly do to show i care is to provide them financially. They send me pictures online when they have quality time together and that makes me feel I'm with them at least. Gosh. Although, i believe there is no amount of money can ever reciprocate the bond of the family if they're together. You know what, i kinda think being away helped me strengthen my sense of attachment to them somehow because when i came back and stay in the Philippines for 3mos after 1 and a half year in Singapore. I barely get out of the house thats why most of the time im with them, at home. And you know what, those moments were the most special to me that i would never trade for anything in this world. Anyway, no petty disputes anymore. :D

Apparently, im already talking too much.. Pardon me. Haha! 

I don't know which direction this blog is going to but in view of this kind of nostalgic reflection, i just wanna say to my 17 year old me, thank you for the subtle thoughts and shallow whines, through them i learned to weigh what matters most and not. Moreover, for the spontaneous rides of uncertainty that gives me extreme craving to explore and to your sensitive self which made me more vigilant now to whom i give my energy to and thank you for your deep desire for self-awareness that has led me to find ways to improve myself now. 

Now, to my 25 year old me, clearly then, there is so much to life than worrying about petty issues and someone else's validation. Doubtlessly, you can find happiness simply at home, with your family while enjoying delicious lunch consists of yummy sinigang sa baboy (pork in tamarind broth) sa mainit na kanin samahan pa ng panonood ng Eat Bulaga, diba? :)  combined with hot cooked white rice while watching Eat Bulaga (my family's favorite noon time show)

 I am not very sure if i made sense and organized my thoughts in such a less annoying manner since im already feeling sleepy. My mind had already wasted enough neurons from work earlier to knock more sense to what i would say more about this so maybe i better stop :D However, I'm pretty sure i will be tackling my current issues one by one soon here. 

It's so nice to be back here!

Angie :)

March 4, 2011, Friday, the day has been pretty well, not so good and bad at all. However, I am pleased for what I have learned today, not only theoretically but clinically as well. Waking up early this morning had been worthwhile. We discovered new things and had fun as well. Nursing goes with twists and turns. We commit mistakes and learn from them and promise to do them no more. Because for somehow…reality check: Life is a bit of a hardship but we must move on to continue what we have started.

I arrived at school at around 4:30 and lucky to see an early bird, Eagle (Rose Anne) there. We chatted a bit and after a few moments, we’re complete and left by quarter to five o’ clock that morning. However, the depressing part is, when we gave Sir Villanueva another disappointment. In short, we ought to make progress.

We arrived safely in San Lazaro Hospital at 6 o’ clock and it’s one gloomy morning for us. We gathered ourselves in the classroom. And I thought I lost my cap! I run out the classroom to search for it and I also returned to the van to check but I failed because when I went back to the classroom area, it’s there, on the chair. *sigh...

Sir Villanueva was offended for the mischief and foul act that we established. We flunked two times on his quizzes and it’s not exciting to share but when the Head nurses gave lecture and quizzes, luckily, we all got high grades. J

We were assigned in Pavilion 2 where Female Adult Patients are confined. We stayed in the students lounge and Sir Villanueva cited an overview about the regular routine in the ward. I was the assigned Head Nurse today and if I would evaluate myself, I did fairly well and regarding with the duties, my two well-behaved group mates, Keechee and Aldrin carried out tasks very good and precise since we managed to finish the charting and interventions on time.

We’re appointed to take care of the patient in the isolation room. She’s a female with Measles, Pneumonia and 15-16 weeks pregnant. We, the head nurses visited each of the four patients assigned in every group with Sir Villanueva. Every ward has at least four beds and I think the ventilation is fair. The relatives of the patients were welcoming so it’s comforting for us to make a rapport. I admire Sir Villanueva a lot. The way he approaches patients and sincerely asking how they were. I want to be like him. I want to be as approachable as he is.

I am shy when first meeting my patient. There’s in me that want to escape and give all out to make a rapport but I am just shy. I need to cope with that from now on. I don’t know if it’s just me looked cold or it’s just that, I need to exert much effort and be confident to do so. Because, we can’t please everybody, patients are everybody so I have to show attitude to them fit to our nurse-patient relationship.

When I was finally with our patient with my group mates, Aldrin (staff nurse) and Keechee (Medication nurse), we introduced ourselves and the Aldrin the staff nurse started to intervene. We established rapport though it’s somewhat a struggle for us to be understood because of the n95 mask we’re wearing.

The patient knew the usual do’s of the student nurses that’s why she handed us her chart immediately. We discovered that the patient was for discharge once cleared of OB. We also had our chance to take notes of all important details that will be helpful for doing NCP. Its 8:30 am when we found out that our patient had due medications, Amoxicillin, Carbocistine and Multivitamins. So with Sir Villanueva’s consent, we advised our patient to take her meds. And after a while, the chart was then needed by the nurse on duty and we had to wait for a few minutes to get a hold of it again.

We finished making business with our patient on time so we went back to students’ area and do notes, write on TPR sheet, sample charting and data for endorsement sheets. When we finally had the patient’s chart again, we did the charting and I, copied the patient’s profile to be submitted tomorrow. I am thankful I have dutiful group mates. They’re so accommodating. That’s why we got through our tasks without any problem.

We’re done before 10 am and ready for endorsements but since all the staff nurses on duty were busy, we didn’t have the chance to do so, maybe next week in another pavilion then. I never experienced endorsing even in our previous clinical exposure in the ward so it’s one in a million chance in the San Lazaro to get a chance again since my next assignment as a Head Nurse will be on OPD and I doubt if there’s an endorsement.

We had our lunch early, we ate and laughed together. The moment we finished eating, we took the time to receive the t-shirts we ordered and I was shocked by the printed message on it. I thought it’s just “Feel safe with a nurse” and none other than that but I was wrong. :P Anyway, at some point I felt happy when Hershey bought a SpongeBob memorabilia for me. She said that it’s her b-day gift to me and I was touched.

When we returned to the classroom, two of our group mates, Rose Ann and Aldrin lectured their assigned topics. Rose Ann, reported about Dengue Fever while Aldrin, Measles. We listened all the way though we were interrupted by laughter and jokes. Then Sir Villanueva talked to us about the return demo tomorrow with a bit humor to ease boredom. J

Everything happened today has imparted a good remembrance to me, new ideas and skills including my new frustration to do well at establishing rapport. Though, we started the day miserable for our clinical instructor, I hope that we pleased him with our performance. Anyway, still, we must move on and make progress. J

March 3, 2011, Thursday, I experienced another amazing chapter of my nursing life; this day was full of excitement and learning. Although tiring as it may seem, the fulfillment it gives is just so exceptional. Nursing comes with hardships and hardships are equal to success. I think it’s better off not to stop doing the best we could because it will all be paid off someday.

First day was exhilarating but enjoy. We started the day quite bad though. I got a low grade on our first quiz and that isn’t an inspiration! So, I moved on and did everything to compensate with that awful reality. We were assigned at the ER and OPD. No actually, we’re divided into 5, the last five in our group we’re assigned in OPD and the other, in ER.

In the first few moments in OPD, everything was running smoothly and steady along with our own attitudes and skills. We managed to use our time wisely and carry out procedures flawlessly. However there was an instance when a pedia patient with parents came over. The little girl was so lethargic and complaining of stomachache and nausea. While we’re taking her vital signs, the girl coughed up and we saw blood stained sputum. So we hurriedly tell the father to rush the documents to the window C for processing and so did he. The moment the father of the patient returned, I ushered them to the E.R and told the staff nurse what was the initial data, chief complaint and history then I left.

The time passed by, we stick to the routine. Clients come and go, we took initial data, vital signs, weight and height, established some rapport and history then assisted them to the ER or directed to the OPD.

In the Outpatient department, “there should be no room for mistakes, and there will be no room for mistakes”. Everything that will be processed in the ER will be dependent on the data from the OPD. So, it should be accurate. Thanks to our Clinical Instructor, Mr. Villanueva for guiding us through appropriateness. Maybe, without his firm disciplinary way, we’re making albums of mistakes now.

The comeback :)

February 28, 2011, Monday, I experienced a memorable journey at San Lazaro Hospital. Together with my awesome group mates and a witty clinical instructor, Mr. Romeo Belen Villanueva, the rest of the day was spent delightfully, with fun and new learning. I love how the day ended so smoothly. So, I think it’s best for me to start sharing my story.

I arrived in the hospital pathway at around 4am and saw the early birds ( luckily, not angry birds), Miguel, Shela and Hershey. Few minutes later, we saw Mr. Villanueva from afar so we hurriedly composed ourselves so that we’ll look appropriate when he came and so we did. Then, while waiting for our other group mates to come, I approached Mr. Villanueva again to remind regarding my lost I.D and I was so thankful that he positively accepted my explanation.

We left the school at 5 o’ clock. The sky was still dark when we reached the San Lazaro Hospital. The place was so still as if it’s inviting me to sleep. Then, we all went to the Pavilion 5, the classroom area, to have a little pre-orientation with Sir Villanueva. He humbly introduced and talked a bit of history about himself. I respect his mission and vision for all the nursing students of Perpetual-Biñan because I know he only wants to bring out the best in us. True, first impression never lasts and I am looking forward to enjoy my exposure with his guiding hands and words of wisdom.

We were scheduled to join the second batch that will attend the orientation at the Amphi Theatre. So, to make our ample time useful, Mr. Villanueva toured us to the entire Pavilion inside the Hospital. Of course, we didn’t forget to wear our masks and lab gowns for protection since we’re about to visit patients with contagious diseases.

Mark, Hershey and Me during the hospital tour in San Lazaro Hospital.

Sir Villanueva made our tour exciting. Other than he clearly explained every case in each pavilion, he also allowed us to take photos for documentation. I remember when we visited the Pavilion 8 where pediatric male patients are confined. They looked so weak and frail. Most cases are DHF. There were areas/rooms for strict isolation. Fortunately, no one’s there.

When we’re finally done with the entire Pavilion, we returned to the classroom area. Then, Mr. Villanueva checked our proper decorum. With IDs, by then he knew our birthdays and upcoming birthdays.Thank God, we carried out good impressions to him. Good vibes! And after a long cheerful moment, we left the classroom to attend the orientation. A strict reminder of Mr. Villanueva: DON’T SLEEP DURING THE ORIENTATION.

We still waited a few minutes for the first batch of students to leave the Ampi theatre. And while we’re waiting, there was a kooky cute gay, endorsing a med-surg guidelines book; he made our boring moments fade away.

Finally, we got inside the Amphi theatre. The surrounding looks so sophisticated, very good ventilation and seats. The only thing you could say once you’re there is “ay, sarapmatulog” BUT when the strict reminder of Mr. Villanueva: “DO NOT SLEEP DURING THE ORIENTATION”, get through your thoughts, you’ll try to stay awake as much as you can.

The speaker talked about the history of San Lazaro Hospital, how it all started, the founders, and the cases of each Pavilion. I jotted down notes on my tickler although my penmanship had gone miserable, at least it’s readable.The orientation lasted for one hour. We left the theatre with very hungry stomachs so we chowed down at the cafeteria nearby before we finally leave the San Lazaro Hospital. My experience there was great.

Bottom line, everything that we had talked about during our pre and post meetings with Sir Villanueva will be a naught if none of us complied. I am thankful for a wonderful voyage in San Lazaro with great people.

“If you failed to prepare, prepare to fail”-Sir Villanueva.

Untold confession :/

In every hurtful words you say..I feel broken..

In every pain I get when you tweak my hair..I feel unworthy and small..

In every glaring look you make at me..I feel unloved..

Why on earth you're making me feel this way?!

BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS AND WHATEVER YOU DO TO MAKE ME HATE YOU

YOU'RE MY MOTHER AND I OWE YOU MY LIFE.

I STILL LOVE YOU..

BAD HAIR DAY

This was before I became brutal to my hair. :/

And now I carry the consequences. My hair became so frail and dull. Alam mo yung para syang kumpol na patay na buhoy na nakapatong na lang sa ulo ko. Nakakainis. Yun na lang ang lagi kong problema. :/

Look at these photos..

That's why, as much as possible I don't hang out with my hair loose down my shoulder. It's very unlikeable.. disgusting.

Since, I am a nursing student I have to look tidy and so my hair. So, everyday I have to go to school with my hair neatly tied up with boknay. It is required for our proper decorum and at least it hides my ugly hair. :/

Since then, I became a fan of boknay and ponytail. I just can't leave without either of them because they're big help in hiding my imperfection. It helps me to sustain my confidence.

So what kung lagi akong naka-ponytail? Ang init kaya! So, hindi ako binabanasan kapag naka-ipit ang buhok ko. Nakakaganda kaya! Try mo! :)

Pero, pano ko ba masosolusyunan ang BAD HAIR DAY ko?? Kung magpapa-SALON naman ako, baka lalong maging worse kasi pag tumagal, baka panget ang effect. :/ Anu ba yaaan...

He's finally here :)

My Hero.

My Coach.

My Supporter. :)

My Superstar.

My Life.

Welcome Home Daddy! :)

I'll make your stay worthwhile and special.

We missed you so much!

Finally..

Magkaka-laman na naman ang refrigerator! :D